Complete guide to receiving feedback
We often talk about giving feedback.
This is a subject I often cover in training: how to give constructive feedback, how to create a feedback culture, how to dare to speak your mind.
I have also dedicated two articles to these subjects: Company feedback culture and Ace your end-of-year reviews: the practical guide for managers.
Today, I’d like us to take a moment to explore the other side of the mirror to receive feedback.
Because feedback is not a monologue, it's a relation. And learning to receive it is also about developing your leadership. Accepting to see our “blind” side as illustrated by the JOHARI window (created by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in 1955).
Receiving feedback means accepting to be seen, challenged, and sometimes shaken up. But it is also the open door to a better understanding of oneself, concrete progress, and stronger professional relationships.
Receiving feedback starts with daring to ask for it.
Many expect feedback to come spontaneously, thinking that if they do their job well, they’ll naturally be told what’s working and what isn’t.
But things rarely happen like that.
Being proactive changes everything.
When you ask for feedback, you show that you are committed to continuous improvement. You take control of the framework and provide a clear direction for those you are speaking with.
Before you request it, take the time to specify:
- What do you need feedback on?
- What type of feedback would you like? (strategic, behavioural, operational...)
- From whom do you want to receive it?
Before a strategic presentation, I would often ask two trusted colleagues, «I'd like your thoughts on the clarity of my message.»
Result: precise, useful, and actionable feedback, without the conversation going off track.
Explaining your request for feedback creates the conditions for it to be constructive.
“Before asking for feedback, clarify…
| Question to ask oneself | Example |
| What do I need feedback on? | “On the clarity of the message” |
| What type of feedback? | Strategic, behavioural, operational |
| Who is it to be received from? | Manager, partner, collaborator |
| When? | Following a presentation, a project, a key meeting |
Before opening the door to feedback, it is useful to prepare oneself internally. Receiving feedback is not neutral: it affects our image, our work, and sometimes our ego.
So, before you lend an ear, ask yourself:
- Am I ready to listen without justifying myself?
- What am I really trying to understand?
- How will I show that I'm open to being challenged?
The key is to stay in active listening.
Listen, note, rephrase, without immediately seeking to justify yourself.
I remember a time when a colleague told me:
“I don't feel heard. I feel like what I'm saying isn't being taken into account for the presentation.”
At the time, I wanted to retort. Then I took a breath. And I listened to him.
This feedback, received with a little distance, allowed me to adjust my approach. I learned to slow down, to allow for pauses, to be more present.
Leadership is often built in those moments.
Once the feedback is received, take the time to let rest. The trap is reacting too quickly.
I recommend the three-step method:
- Understand the message. What are your interlocutor's actual words? If you've taken notes, read through them.
- Observe your reactions. What put you on the defensive? Why? What emotion are you feeling?
- Identify the lessons. What can you take from this to improve? What can you do first?
Not all feedback is created equal, and that's okay.
Some will be relevant, others not. The idea is not to apply everything, but to learn to discerner.
Feedback is just a point of view, not an absolute truth. That said, it's the truth of the person who has just given you that feedback.
Often, in words that sting a little, a precious key to growth is hidden.
Many people forget an essential step after receiving feedback: follow-up.
Taking the time to get back to the person who gave you feedback changes everything.
Explain what you understood, what you chose to apply, and how this helped you to progress.
You don't need to respond to every piece of advice, but share your intentions or your concrete actions . Show that you take feedback seriously. This values the time and energy your interlocutor has invested, and above all, it maintains the relationship.
This follow-up is more than just a courtesy:
- It is a mark of respect and recognition.
- It is also a way to continue the conversation, to anchor a culture of continuous learning and improvement.
The first few weeks can generate enthusiasm, but also confusion or fatigue if nothing is structured.
This is the stage where change management takes on its full human dimension: it's about supporting, pacing, and adjusting – without letting up.
Often I refer to leaders I enjoy following on social media. Gusttavo Razzetti (author and expert in corporate culture) summarises the process of receiving feedback very well through his framework: the Five R’s of Feedback.
He proposes five simple steps to transform feedback into a real learning tool: Receive – Reflect – Respond – Reframe – Resolve
- Receive : to welcome feedback with openness.
- Reflect : to take a step back to grasp its meaning.
- Respond : exchange, clarify, thank.
- Reframe : change perspective to learn from it.
- Resolve : to decide what to do with it and close the loop with whoever shared it with you.
Receiving feedback is something you learn. And more importantly, it's something you practice. Nobody is naturally comfortable with criticism, and perhaps even less so when they are a Manager. But like any interpersonal skill, it develops with awareness, practice, and a genuine intention to improve.
Here are the qualities to cultivate to transform feedback into a real growth driver :
1. Active listening
Listening isn't simply being quiet while the other person speaks.
It's about understanding the message behind the words, going beyond the tone or phrasing. Rephrase to check your understanding:
"If I understand correctly, you mean that..." This simple sentence opens up a space for dialogue and shows that you take feedback seriously.
2. Empathy and curiosity
Try to put yourself in your interlocutor's shoes.
Why is he telling you that? What positive intention is hidden behind his words?
Even if you disagree, try to understand where their point of view is coming from. This sincere curiosity is often the key to transforming feedback perceived as negative into useful learning.
3. Humility
Feedback does not question your worth. It does not say «who you are,» but simply «what you are doing» in a given context.
Welcoming feedback with humility means accepting that there is always room for improvement, and that it is an opportunity to become aware of it.
4. Benevolence
Don't forget that giving feedback takes courage.
Anyone who dares to share feedback takes a risk: that of displeasing you, of hurting you, or of being misunderstood. Recognising this courage is already demonstrating leadership. Attentive, empathetic listening defuses tension and paves the way for more constructive exchanges.
5. Gratitude
To thank. Always.
Even if the feedback unsettles you, even if you don't agree, express your gratitude for the other person's time, energy, and intent. You can always take a step back afterwards and decide what to do with it.
And above all... don't take anything personally. It is one of the famous Four Agreements. And it applies perfectly here.
Feedback is as much about the giver as it is about the receiver. It reflects a perception, a context, an experience, not an absolute truth. Not taking it personally frees you from emotional reactions to focus on the useful information.
Receiving feedback is much more than a communication exercise.
It is a essential leadership skill, which impacts both individual performance and team dynamics.
For the collaborator
Feedback offers many concrete benefits:
- To understand expectations and perceptions : it allows you to know how your work is actually perceived, to detect misunderstandings and to clarify priorities.
- Boost confidence and motivation : constructive and benevolent feedback highlights strengths and shows that your efforts are seen and recognised.
- Identify concrete development paths : feedback highlights areas for improvement, offers new perspectives, and fosters continuous learning.
- Step outside your comfort zone : it opens up the possibility of discovering angles you wouldn't have thought of, trying out new approaches, and progressing more quickly.
For the company
Feedback also has a direct impact on collective performance:
Employee engagement and retention : those who feel heard and supported are more motivated, more loyal and become natural ambassadors for the company.
Strengthen transparency and trust : a feedback culture fosters open and honest exchange between teams and managers, and reduces tension or misunderstandings.
Improve collaboration : understanding everyone's expectations and perceptions helps us work better together, anticipate needs and align efforts.
Proximity of managers to their teams : regular exchanges create a more human, more authentic relationship and facilitate early detection of difficulties. For a manager, asking for feedback is also a sign of vulnerability. Today, vulnerability is identified as a key leadership skill.
Receiving feedback, I've learned over the years, and believe me, it's never easy.
There are feedback that are a pleasure, some that sting a little... and some that make us think for days. But each time, it's an opportunity to get to know ourselves better.
For me, the true art of feedback lies in this balance: to know how to listen without defending oneself, to know how to welcome without accepting everything, to know how to digest in order to transform into concrete action. It's a bit like holding up a mirror: what you see isn't a judgment, it's an opportunity to adjust and grow.
I've seen so many leaders and employees evolve simply because they've learned to to welcome the feedback of others with curiosity and humility, rather than with fear or resistance. And I can assure you that it is these moments that make all the difference, in your work but also in your professional relationships.
If you're keen to take this step, to transform feedback into a genuine lever for development – for yourself, your teams, and your organisation – that's precisely what I offer in The Laughing Willow's leadership programmes.
So, ready to unleash the leader within you?
#spreadyourwings